A Dream

Last night I had a dream that I made a point to log in my dream database this morning. I don’t log them all but some of them kind of grab me.

In this dream, I was in a restaurant and wanted to buy a dessert for a young woman and her 12-year-old daughter who were sitting in the corner. I knew and loved these two people and they loved me but more in a family way than a sexual way. When I went over to their table, however, they ignored me. I decided they were deep in conversation or maybe the time wasn’t right and they wanted to be left alone, so I went back and made small talk about the weather with a waiter.

Then I went outside and ran into Lee Armen. (Lee, in real life, was one of my best friends throughout high school and college and for a few years after – then we lost touch. Several years ago a mutual friend told me had a died of stomach cancer. There is probably a whole blog to be written about Lee. Sometime).

Anyway, back in the dream, I’m glad to see Lee and we play catch with a odd-shaped fuzzy ball. Then I start to ask about his wife and remember that I had talked to her after I had learned of his death. I realize, in the dream, that he is dead and I ask, “So I’m dead then?”

“Yes,” he say.

“When? How? And how can this be true. Nothing seems any different?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” he answers.

And I realize that the woman and girl had not been just ignoring me but they couldn’t see me at all. But the clerk had talked to me. The realization was paralyzing! What my death meant was that I would never be able to have meaningful relationships but only be able to talk about trivial things to strangers. For eternity. I was clearly in Hell.

I turned around. Lee was gone. But looking over at the restaurant, the waiter was smiling blandly and waving at me. “Nice weather we’re having!” he shouted.