Fu Manchu

How my hot little mid-life crisis Honda S-2000 entered my life in 2000 is a pretty good story. It all started when the Honda dealer forgot to wash my green Accord… But that’s for another blog on another day.

BUTLER: “Why do you tease people like that?”

BAGMAN: “He loves it! Leave him alone!”

Today I just want to explain his name. I originally called him Shadowfax after Gandolf’s horse in Lord of the Rings. But it never felt right because I once had a ten speed bike I called Shadowfax. And my beard isn’t long enough.

BUTLER: “You don’t even have a beard!”

BAGMAN: “Let him dream! I have enough beard for all three of us.”

So it was really just a car. A cool one. I loved it. Fire Engine Red – except my friends in the Sheriff’s Department tell me that they call it “Arrest Me Red.” But I never got a ticket and never went much over 8 miles per hour above the speed limit. Usually. Sometimes. But if I am the lead car at a stop light, I get up to the speed limit pretty quickly.

And I adore on ramps to the Interstate if no-one is around. And my adrenalin is still up from taking it to an autocross race with a friend of mine last year which is where the pictures were taken.

BAGMAN: “And I love the way the girls look at us when the top is down!”

BUTLER: “They’re looking at Fu, not you. They look even more when the top is up. But please, you two testosterone junkies, just tell the story about the name and get on with it.

On July 18, 2005, I got a phone call at work. Modern, fast-paced medicine. Ptui. I never thought they did this kind of thing over the phone but a doctor whose name I have now repressed, matter-of-factly told me that the results of my biopsy were back and I had moderate to advanced prostate cancer. And have a nice day.

The journal of the next 9 months would make a good 87 part blog which some would find hilarious, some would find a bit nauseating, and most find boring so I doubt I’ll ever post it although I do share it, through my surgeon, Dr. Keane, who I do remember and respect, with other people who get that diagnosis.

BUTLER: “The car, Mark. Focus. You are writing about the car.”

Okay, okay – so for the first couple of weeks, I went on an emotional roller coaster of deep depression, abject terror, and also some amazingly ecstatic moments of deep joy over things like clouds in the sky. It was one of those incredible moments, driving way too fast, with the top down, staring at clouds, when a country song by Tim McGraw came on the radio.

BAGMAN: “Please tell me you aren’t about to print all the lyrics!”

And I’ll copy the lyrics below:

He said: "I was in my early forties,
"With a lot of life before me,
"An' a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
"I spent most of the next days,
"Looking at the x-rays,
"An' talking 'bout the options an' talkin’ ‘bout sweet time."
I asked him when it sank in,
That this might really be the real end?
How’s it hit you when you get that kind of news?
Man whatcha do?

An' he said: "I went sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,
"I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
"And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
"And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
"To live like you were dyin'."

He said "I was finally the husband,
"That most the time I wasn’t.
"An' I became a friend a friend would like to have.
"And all of a sudden goin' fishin’,
"Wasn’t such an imposition,
"And I went three times that year I lost my Dad.
"Well, I finally read the Good Book,
"And I took a good long hard look,
"At what I'd do if I could do it all again,
"And then:

"I went sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,
"I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
"And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
"And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
"To live like you were dyin'."

Like tomorrow was a gift,
And you got eternity,
To think about what you’d do with it.
An' what did you do with it?
An' what can I do with it?
An' what would I do with it?

"Sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,
"I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
"And then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
"And I watched Blue Eagle as it was flyin'."
An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
"To live like you were dyin'."

"To live like you were dyin'."
"To live like you were dyin'."
"To live like you were dyin'."
"To live like you were dyin'."

And that is how Shadowfax became Fu Manchu, although I now realize that I shortened the two words into one.

I really love Fu. Zooooooooom!