BAGMAN: Pick me! Pick me! I'm great at being randy!
BUTLER: It's "Random, not Randy."
And the two B&B boys began brawling in the livingroom, so I couldn't pick them to shoot the blog. I thought about letting Karen shoot random pictures but she is much too organized and would make a list....the opposite of random. I was about to give up doing the Friday shoot at all until I noticed that Sally was looking out the window at the backyard and wanting to go out. Aha! Let Sally shoot it! She's a dog which is probably a little less random than a cat, but she would be as close to random. I know she is old and deaf and her eyes are getting bad so focus might be a problem. But since Lindsey adds so much to Barry's blog, I thought I should give Sally a chance.
She jumped at it. Well, she actually just stood up slowly and stiffly at it. But she had motivation. I didn't realize she was going to take over my header as well, but she insisted and wouldn't release the copyright to her pictures unless I gave her artistic freedom. Yesterday my blog explained how the old dog learned a new trick and today I will let her post the results and explain them herself.
But first I should add a legal disclaimer for the sake of the people of PETA: "OFFICIAL NOTICE -- No frogs, moles, or cats were harmed during the filming of this blog."
OKAY: It's all yours, Sally Girl.
_______________________________________________________________________SNORT, SLOBBER, WHY DID I AGREE TO DO THIS PHOTO THING TODAY? I WANT TO SLEEP INSTEAD. I LOVE MY BED EXCEPT AFTER KAREN WASHES IT AND IT SMELLS YUCKY PERFUMY LIKE. BUT TODAY IT'S NICE AND RANK AND I THINK I'LL JUST SLEEP ALL DAY. WAIT. IS THAT MY LEASH COMING TOWARD ME?
BOY, OH BOY, I'M GOING FOR A WALK! I'M GOING FOR A WALK. GET MY HALTER ON! HURRY UP. DON'T GIVE THE SQUIRRELS TIME TO GET AWAY FROM THE BIRD FEEDER.
RUN RUN...WHEW ENOUGH OF THAT. MY ENDURANCE ISN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE. BUT HEY! WHAT'S THIS? NOSE DOWN!!
I KNOW THAT SMELL! DIRTY, FURRY, PINK, FLESHY MOLE BEING QUIET. COME ON, MOLEY, YOU WANT TO BE IN MY MOUTH, DON'T YOU. DON'T YOU? AND OH, HEY, WAIT, LOOK! THE POND! PLEASE LET ME GO ALL THE WAY TO THE EDGE THIS TIME! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!
STOP HOLDING THE LEASH SO TIGHT! WHY CAN'T I SMELL THE TURTLE EGG FISH MUD DUCK POOP FROG MUSHY SMELLS? YOU LET ME GO TO THE EDGE IN THE WINTER WHEN ITS COLD...IT SHOULD BE BETTER IN THE SUMMER! LET ME CLOSER! WHY CAN'T ...
OH. THAT'S RIGHT. FORGOT ABOUT HIM. OH! WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE? A NEW HOLE? MOLE? NO, PROBABLY NOT IN THE PINEY SMELLING STUFF. NOSE DOWN!
KIND OF SLINKY, SNAKEY SMELLING. COME ON SNAKEY THING, DON'T YOU WANT TO BE IN MY MOUTH? AND WHY DOES MARK KEEP TUGGING ON MY LEASH? OH! I GOT IT! OH BOY! WE ARE GOING AROUND TO THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE! HOORAY! PANT PANT PANT!
HEY! LET'S GO ALL THE WAY DOWN THE STREET TOO!! LET'S GO ALL AROUND THE BIG PATH TO THE DUCK POND AND TENNIS COURTS AND MARSHY BRIDGE AND SMELL ALL THE DIFFERENT DOGS' POOP ALONG THE WAY. I KNOW, I KNOW. I GET TIRED THINKING ABOUT IT NOW. LAST TIME YOU ALMOST HAD TO CARRY ME BACK BECAUSE MY LEGS SOMETIMES GET WEAK. BUT HEY! HEY! THAT'S ALL RIGHT! LET'S CHASE THE KELLEY'S CAT FROM UNDER THE TRUCK FROM UNDER THE TRUCK!
COME ONE EYES! LOOK HARD! SNICKERS IS USUALLY UNDER THEIR TRUCK! HE MUST BE THERE! I'M COMING TO GET YOU SNICKERS! AW, HE'S NOT THERE THIS MORNING. THAT'S OKAY. HEY! HEY! LOOK!
HEY! IT'S THE TOAD! HE'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! HE WANTS TO GET IN MY MOUTH AGAIN! AW, WOOF! COME ON, MARK, LET ME HAVE HIM! JUST BECAUSE I ATE HIM ONCE AND THREW UP ALL OVER THE BEDROOM RUG! IT'S ONLY A RUG AND THE CATS PUT HAIRBALLS THERE ALL THE TIME! AND THE TOAD OBVIOUSLY WANTS TO BE IN MY MOUTH AND...OH WELL, THAT'S OKAY, HEY! HEY! NEW DIRT!
THE NEIGHBORS NEW FRENCH DRAIN WAS HERE! WE WATCHED HIM DIG IT LAST WEEK! I POOPED NEXT TO IT, RIGHT WHERE HE WAS DIGGING. I WAS BEING HELPFUL. WHY DID YOU CLEAN IT UP? DUMB HUMANS! BUT HEY! HEY!
HERE'S ONE YOU DIDN'T CLEAN UP. HEY! OH. OH, I GET IT. WE'RE AT THE PLACE WHERE YOU USUALLY ACTUALLY WANT ME TO GO. I'M NOT DUMB, YOU KNOW. I REALIZE THAT IF I DO MOST OF MY DOOTY (OR DO YOU SPELL THAT "DUTY") AROUND THE SAME PLACE, IT'S EASIER FOR YOU TO PICK UP BEFORE MOWING. THAT'S OKAY, I AIM TO PLEASE. WAIT A MINUTE. I THINK I FEEL. YES. OOPS. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM. GLAD I DIDN'T DO IT IN THE HOUSE. HEY!
SPEAKING OF THE HOUSE! HEY! THERE IT IS! I GUESS THE WALK IS OVER. CAN'T WE GO LONGER? PLEASE? I KNOW IF I PULL BACK HARD ENOUGH YOU'LL LET ME! YOU ALWAYS DO, YOU'RE SO EASY TO PREDICT. BUT, ACTUALLY, I THINK I'M GETTING A BIT FATIGUED ANYHOW. HEY! I'M OVER 100 YEARS OLD IN DOG YEARS! DID YOU KNOW THAT?
AND I REALLY FEEL IT WHEN I HAVE TO UP THESE STEPS. MY BACK LEGS PARTICULARLY! DON'T RUSH ME. IF YOU RUSH ME I SOMETIMES FALL BACKWARDS. AND HEY! NO! I DON'T WANT A RAMP! NOT YET! I'VE STILL GOT SOME BIG DOG PRIDE LEFT IN ME! JUST LET ME TAKE MY TIME AND I'LL BE FINE. SEE! OH HEY!
IS THAT MY TOWEL ON THE BENCH? ARE YOU GOING TO WIPE MY FEET OFF AGAIN? I DIDN'T THINK THE GRASS WAS THAT WET! AND I ONLY WALKED A LITTLE IN THE MUD AROUND THE KELLEY'S DRAIN. OH, OKAY...IF YOU'RE GOING TO SCRATCH MY STOMACH WHILE YOU DRY MY FEET, IT'S OKAY. A LITTLE TO LEFT. AAH! SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH. AND BACK IN THE DOOR AND HEY!
THAT'S MY BED! SEE HOW WELL I MESSED IT UP! WOW, I'M TIRED ALL OF A SUDDEN. I'M ALREADY LEANING TO THE RIGHT! I THINK I'LL JUST TAKE A LITTLE NAP UNTIL YOU FILL UP MY DINNER BOWL. YAWN. I LET YOU DOWNLOAD THE PICTURES I TOOK WHILE I DREAM OF PUTTING ANIMALS IN MY MOUTH. OR MAYBE A LITTLE YOGURT...EXCEPT NOBODY KNOWS I REALLY LIKE YOGURT.