Kissing Sophia Loren

Checking in while I wait for a new computer to arrive by mail – probably Monday. Meantime, I found, amazingly, two old scratchy negatives from one of the true meme statements from last week. But it will have to wait until I set up the scanner.

So, I’ll reveal another of the true category. Yes, I kissed Sophia Loren. But it’s not much of a story. I don’t remember the year but Sophia Loren was in Filenes Department store in Boston signing autographs on boxed gift sets of a line of perfume she had contracted to endorse.

I was in Boston, out of work, looking for a job. The woman I was…what’s the word…cohabitating with liked the perfume and kidded me about getting Miss Loren’s autograph.

Since I was having no luck on the job front, I got into a long long long line and spent half the afternoon waiting. The wait was made easier for the last hour because the front of the line, 100 people or so, were actually in the room and could see her on a raised platform. Older, of course, but ageless and beautiful in a chiffon something or other. She’d look at the person at the front of the line, listen for a moment, sign a box, smile, shift to the next person.

Finally my turn came and I stepped up to her small table. Her smile, despite the fact she had probably smiled 9,000 times already, was incredible. And she smelled delicious. Of course, she did! Duh. She was selling perfume. She also smelled like my girlfriend. She asked how she should sign it and I gave her my girlfriend’s name and said that she always used this perfume.

Then, thinking of nothing intelligent to say, I said whatever was in my head, “In fact, you smell just like my girlfriend.”

For some reason…perhaps the monotony of her day…that comment made Sophia Loren laugh. She said, “You are such a sweet boy,” and leaned over to kiss my cheek as I was turning away. Surprised, I turned back just at that moment and instead of my cheek, our lips met.

At this point, I want to describe the warm, melting, half-open-mouthed inhaling of each other’s breath and the swooning, heart-pounding…

But to be honest, our lips met considerably off-center and too hard. I was mostly aware that her lips were a bit thin and I felt her teeth through her upper lip while my cheek kind of banged her nose. But the unexpected kiss, the overly strong smell of perfume, and the fact I had turned back so suddenly I was dizzy caused one of my feet to slip off the platform so after brushing my lips, her lips swished up my cheek to my eyeball.

She found it wonderfully entertaining and laughed, waved. People behind me laughed. Someone called me lucky and patted me on the back.

Then I was back outside. I stopped at one more potential employer on the way home but got no job offer, just strange looks.

In fact, I got a lot of strange looks which I didn’t understand until I got home, looked in the mirror and then had to explain to my girlfriend why I had a bright magenta lipstick stain that ran from the corner of my mouth to my eye.

I just handed her the box of perfume and prayed she’d believe me.