Thursday, September 3, 2009

Kissing Sophia Loren

Checking in while I wait for a new computer to arrive by mail – probably Monday. Meantime, I found, amazingly, two old scratchy negatives from one of the true meme statements from last week. But it will have to wait until I set up the scanner.

So, I’ll reveal another of the true category. Yes, I kissed Sophia Loren. But it’s not much of a story. I don’t remember the year but Sophia Loren was in Filenes Department store in Boston signing autographs on boxed gift sets of a line of perfume she had contracted to endorse.

I was in Boston, out of work, looking for a job. The woman I was…what’s the word…cohabitating with liked the perfume and kidded me about getting Miss Loren’s autograph.

Since I was having no luck on the job front, I got into a long long long line and spent half the afternoon waiting. The wait was made easier for the last hour because the front of the line, 100 people or so, were actually in the room and could see her on a raised platform. Older, of course, but ageless and beautiful in a chiffon something or other. She’d look at the person at the front of the line, listen for a moment, sign a box, smile, shift to the next person.

Finally my turn came and I stepped up to her small table. Her smile, despite the fact she had probably smiled 9,000 times already, was incredible. And she smelled delicious. Of course, she did! Duh. She was selling perfume. She also smelled like my girlfriend. She asked how she should sign it and I gave her my girlfriend’s name and said that she always used this perfume.

Then, thinking of nothing intelligent to say, I said whatever was in my head, “In fact, you smell just like my girlfriend.”

For some reason…perhaps the monotony of her day…that comment made Sophia Loren laugh. She said, “You are such a sweet boy,” and leaned over to kiss my cheek as I was turning away. Surprised, I turned back just at that moment and instead of my cheek, our lips met.

At this point, I want to describe the warm, melting, half-open-mouthed inhaling of each other’s breath and the swooning, heart-pounding…

But to be honest, our lips met considerably off-center and too hard. I was mostly aware that her lips were a bit thin and I felt her teeth through her upper lip while my cheek kind of banged her nose. But the unexpected kiss, the overly strong smell of perfume, and the fact I had turned back so suddenly I was dizzy caused one of my feet to slip off the platform so after brushing my lips, her lips swished up my cheek to my eyeball.

She found it wonderfully entertaining and laughed, waved. People behind me laughed. Someone called me lucky and patted me on the back.

Then I was back outside. I stopped at one more potential employer on the way home but got no job offer, just strange looks.

In fact, I got a lot of strange looks which I didn’t understand until I got home, looked in the mirror and then had to explain to my girlfriend why I had a bright magenta lipstick stain that ran from the corner of my mouth to my eye.

I just handed her the box of perfume and prayed she’d believe me.


  1. Wow! This story will last you forever. What a cute retelling,btw. Were it now, you'd have someone's cell phone photo to record the moment.

  2. Delightful story! You have the most amazing encounters. Can I come out to play with you, you sweet boy?

  3. This is a wonderful story. I thoroughly enjoyed envisioning your encounter. I loved it.

  4. Yep, only you, Mark! And I love it! And you do have amazing encounters -- do you plan those in advance or do they just happen because you're an encounter kind of guy! Whatever, you get my vote!

  5. B&B,
    Was this before Bagman? How jealous was he? WOW!!!
    That is an amazing story. Sophia knows quality when she sees it. You ARE such a sweet boy! Too bad it was a shocking surprise and not more enjoyable. Sylvia is right..... this could only happen to you.=D

  6. Your story telling talent is unparalleled. You have a magic with words, and you are one of the funniest, most honest writers I have have ever read.

  7. I been considering doing To Tell The Truth thingie, but it would be impossible to continue the fun as long as B&B from one little post.

  8. oh I am so sorry I underestimated you, I voted that this was the lie, now I have to go back and see if you said what the lie was.
    Kisses.... (not that way is a typical Brasilian goodbye!)

  9. Hahaha oh that made me laugh and laugh! AND reading the meme have had SUCH a more adventurous life than I!

    I'm coming into a late bloom ....I hope my meme would be far more exciting in the next five years than the last and you know what? I think God willing it will be.


  10. Darn, so I was wrong. My guess was based on the assumption that you would have stated whether or not she kissed you back! :)

  11. Hi. I'm new here. Found you via a comment you left on a blog I read.

    Lovely story and a great telling of it!

  12. Brilliant and very funny story Mark!

    And no matter how the kiss went, I'm jealous!