Friday Hometown Shootout -- Interiors

BAGMAN (as I first walk into the B&B Studio):  "Grab your camera, Dude!  Come upstairs!! I've got some great interior shots for you!!"

"No, Baggie," I say, calmly.  "The theme-makers specifically asked that we try not to use our own homes."

BAGMAN: "But!  But!!"

I must admit that I'm sorry to turn Bagman down because I don't have a lot of interiors from Charleston.  It is interesting how shootout themes often expose my preferences or lack of preferences in certain areas.

But I have a few from Charleston.

Interior of the Downtown Market

(a must stop for tourists)

The Powder Storehouse at Fort Moultrie

(no smoking -- offenders will be blown up)

The Charleston County Emergency Operations Center

(not many people get to see this...although it fills up

with emergency preparedness personnel during hurricanes)

Yana's Restaurant

BUTLER: "Hey!  That is in North Carolina.  You can't use that!"

"I often break the rules and pretend my hometown extends beyond the local borders," I argue.

BAGMAN:  "Then come with me upstairs!!  If we can break that one, we can shoot inside our own house!!!  Besides it's not really inside our own house!!"

I ignore him.  I ignore Butler as well.  After all, I really don't have alot of interiors in Charleston itself.

Addiction Treatment Center

under construction in Greenville, SC

"At least it is in South Carolina," I protest, innocently.

BAGMAN:  "But but but!!"

The small one-room flop where I once found my cousin

who had been out of touch with the family

for 40 years.

And the opposite extreme...

The Vatican Museum in Rome

BAGMAN:  "That does it!  You have to come with me!!"

"We are NOT shooting more stuff in our own house, Baggie," I argue.  "First of all they asked us expressly not to do it and secondly, people will think that I never leave the house anymore!"

BUTLER:  "That is pretty accurate if you are going to be honest with yourself."

BAGMAN:  "Besides!  What I want to show you is not really our house.  Well, sort of our house but like Alice in the Looking Glass, it is kind of our house in an alternate dimension.   So it doesn't count as our house."

So I follow Bagman, partly out of curiousity and partly because he has grabbed my arm, leaving oily finger prints, and is dragging me up stairs to the children's foom. 

BAGMAN (lying down on the floor next to the wall and forcing me to lie down beside him): "The kids taught me how to do this!!  Don't be scared!! Just put your feet on the wall and walk up it!  You can do it and it takes you into the alternate dimension house!"

I'm not sure whether I'm getting intrigued or whether I'm just willing to do anything to stop Bagman from manhandling me, but...

I tentatively take a step and am amazed and terrified at the same time to find myself walking up the wall between two doors.  

BAGMAN:  "Great!!  You can do it!!  Now the only tricky part is to move over to the livingroom where you can move from the wall to the ceiling!"

"We're going to walk on the ceiling?  What about gravity?"

BAGMAN:  "It's an alternate universe!  Haven't you been listening?!!  This is not your house anymore and in this new house, the ceiling IS the floor!"

All of a sudden, I find the Talking Heads singing inside my head:

"You may ask yourself, how do I work this?
You may ask yourself, where is that large automobile?"
You may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful house..." 

BAGMAN (snapping me out of my musical revery):  "Pay attention!  You could fall off here!!"

CAREFUL!!

And then suddenly, we are on the ceiling. 

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?...Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?

We move through the livingroom

It's very narrow in places

BAGMAN (Beaming happily):  "So what do you think?"

"It's pretty bland up here..."

BAGMAN (correcting me) : "DOWN here."

"Well it still seems to need some decorations or furniture," I complain. 

The front hallway seems a bit more decorated

"And it makes it easier to change the batteries in the fire detector when it's placed down near the floor," I admit.

BAGMAN:  "Wait till you see the bedroom!"

BAGMAN:  "We can put a hot tub in here!"

I'm thinking what a great idea that would be when my cell phone rings.  Karen is returning home form Sams with Kay and Noah and wants me to unload the car.  

POOF!

The spell breaks and I go tumbling down (or up) landing, unfortunately on my head.  Fortunately, I land on the bed.   Unfortunately, Bagman lands on top of me. 

"You really need a bath," I tell him.

BAGMAN:  "It's not even July yet."

I hear the garage door opening and Karen's car driving in.  Walking through the house on carpet, avoiding furniture, I glance from time to time at the ceiling.  Life seems so much more simple and uncluttered up there.   Maybe I'll walk on the ceiling again sometime.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...