In Charleston or Mount Pleasant which is next door to Charleston and where we live, "B" is for Boats. With water everywhere, many people own them. We even bought one ourselves the second year after we moved down here. I rapidly discovered that I was the most inept boat owner in the world. The first time out I forgot to plug in the drain plug and almost sunk it. Second time out, I ran it aground on a sandbar. I soon gave up my dream of relaxing afternoons on the water and by the end of a month, my doctor prescribed Lipitor for my high blood pressure. The second month we sold it at a loss. I guess "B" also stands for "Bad Investments."
"B" also stands for "Business Boats"
And the Ravenel Bridge
Suddenly the door slams open and Bagman and Butler are standing in front of me livid with anger.
BAGMAN: "How dare you start a shootout without involving us!!!
BUTLER: "And you do realize that the word "livid" comes from Indo-European roots meaning "bluish."
BAGMAN: "And what's with the stupid boat story and pictures of boats and bridges?! You should start out with pictures of US!!! Our names both start with "B" you ungrateful sod!
"Hold on," I begin (since begin also starts with B). "I'd love to show pictures of you but haven't you guys realized by now that you are figments of my imagination?"
BUTLER: "We are far more than figments! We are integral parts of your personality."
"Yes, but you also do not reflect light...hence portraits are impossible."
BUTLER: "You could impersonate us! Put on costumes and do self-portaits of yourself as us."
I stare a Butler for a long time. Although he does not actually reflect light, I can see him clearly. "I'm sorry, Butler, but I'm not going to spend money renting a tuxedo ."
BAGMAN: "But how about ME! You wouldn't need any clothes at all! My fans are dying to see me naked!"
"Not a chance, Bagman. I only know of one person who might enjoy that but every other person on the planet would shun me for life. And it wouldn't be pretty!"
BAGMAN: "Well if you are going to do a "B" shot without pictures of us than we're leaving!"
They stomp out and the door BANGS shut behind them.
So I get back to work, but it isn't as much fun without Butler and Bagman.
BUTLER (Shouting behind the closed door): "You could have borrowed one of their tuxedos!"
There was a story behind this broken abandoned crane...a story of Bankrupcy but I already told it earlier this week.
BUZZARD - We have a ton of these in our subdivision.
Maybe it is a sign we should move.
BLUE ANGELS came to Charleston last year
(I actually thought this was a BLACK widow last year when I stalked it -
until Tabor pointed out the correct species to me).
BOTTLE of water - It's been hot here recently
I'm running out of things to post and thinking I should go and apologize to my two alter ego figments when the door opens and Bagman sticks his head in.
BAGMAN: "Remember when we left in the beginning of this blog and the door slammed behind us?"
"Yes," I reply cautiously.
BAGMAN: "Don't you get it? Behind us! I slammed BEHIND us!"
"Where are you going with this?" I ask suddenly wishing Butler were here to protect me from what Bagman might have up his sleeve.
BAGMAN: "What would a "B" shoot be without that picture of a behind?"
"It would remain a G-rated B shoot," I reply, starting to talk in letters of the alphabet.
BAGMAN: "I'm posting it! Butler's not here to stop me!"
"You can't!" I scream. "I don't want anybody to think I took a picture like that! It's unseemly!"
BAGMAN: "Unseemly! What kind of nerd uses words like that?! I'm posting it no matter what you say! You want people to think you no longer have any testosterone at all left in that 65-year-old overweight carcass? Be a man!"
I'm fighting Bagman for control of Blogspot. I lose control when he elbows me in the eye which explains the BLACK EYE in the header. "Anyhow, you made me take that picture! I deny any responsibility for it!"
Bagman just laughs, pushes the post button and leaves the room, closing the door BEHIND him.
(Well - they are common on our public beaches)
I yell one more protest as the closed door, "But I didn't want to post that one!"
BAGMAN (yelling back from behind the door): "But! I made you say BUT!!! Nyah nyah nyah!"
I just sigh with resignation. Bagman is so infantile sometimes.