Bagman Complains about photograph

Memo from Bagman:

I can’t believe the new photograph you posted for your profile picture! I’m shocked and disgusted at the bias it shows! How dare you put the far more interesting one of me in the background and fill up most of the frame with that holier-than-thou image of Butler trying to look wise? You might as well have titled it “Get thee behind me, Satan!” Also, you know that everyone thinks that Butler is a geek and they all love me more! This picture is an insult to me and I demand an explanation!

My response:

Bagman, my dearest, oldest friend,

I sincerely regret any hurt I may have caused you. I have never thought of you as Satan and have always known your heart was pure even if a bit unconstrained. And I agree with you that your image is more interesting. If you remember, it was taken almost 40 years ago and we were all more interesting then.

However, despite the fact that you seem to have more fans, I have to stand up for Butler here. It is difficult for me. Because the truth is I’ve always liked you more as well. But you must acknowledge that you and Butler both reside in a flesh and blood body that must trudge its way through our more or less civilized world. Without Butler, we’d be out of work, divorced, and probably dead.

Look closely. If you remember, that little gold eye patch in the photograph was the top of a wine bottle. You may not want to believe it but normal social drinkers don’t wear wine bottle caps as eye patches. If it hadn’t been for Butler, the three of us never would have started going to Alcoholics Anonymous. Sobriety and the 12-Steps of A.A. have opened up the world in wonderful ways that have enhanced our life incredibly – yours too!

The fact that Butler is in the foreground is appropriate. Think about it. When people meet us, you take a little getting used to! Butler opens doors. He probably also keeps us out of jail.

Butler is not trying to be holier than you. The look on his face is concern about keeping you alive. He may not admit it, but he knows how important you are to him. When you disappear into your room to sulk, he just sits at his desk doing crossword puzzles and boring himself silly. He needs you.

I know he is pompous and self-righteous. But please cut him some slack.

Memo #2 from Bagman

Nice speech, Boss. Did Butler write it? Just the kind of lily-livered blabber I expected. Pat me on the head and keep me in the backroom for laughs but make sure we always put on a proper front for society! Don’t even bother answering. I’ll have my day yet!