So many comments, so little time

Today is Saturday. Karen is off to staff a booth at a teacher’s job fair. I think, at job fairs, it is always better to be staffing the booth than visiting the booth. So I have the day to myself.

And, of course, a two page To Do list which includes reconstructing the yard from the recent canine blitzkrieg of Brian’s three dogs. Bless their doggy hearts, they have now left to go destroy my sister-in-law’s backyard. I have flowerbeds to rescue and at least 50 doggy holes to fill.

And also, of course, with a million chores to do, the moment Karen drives away, I rush upstairs to check my blog. I’m addicted. Having spent my life becoming addicted then recovering from addiction then running treatment centers to help others with addiction, I know what addiction is. I’m addicted.

My plan is to write a blog about our mattress and the Winter Solstice. But when I log in, I see 9 wonderful comments about my dog, retirement, resident ghosts, and new posts from people I’m following. My head spins!

BAGMAN: “Just tell them all how much you love them! Specially the women!”

BUTLER: “Just break it into small tasks. Read each comment and make a short thoughtful answer. Then read each blog, one at a time, and make a concise and useful comment to each of those as well. Then….”

Aaah! My head spins faster. By then Karen will be returning after standing on her feet in an exhibit booth all day and I will not have filled a single hole!

BAGMAN: Snicker snicker…”filling holes”…snicker snicker…

BUTLER: “Zip it! He doesn’t have time for smutty schoolyard puns!”

I grab my head to stop it from spinning and think about stuffing ear plugs in my ears to keep out the voices of Butler and Bagman but realize their voices are inside my head so earplugs won’t work. And how to bloggers like Barry do it with 10,000 followers. What have I done? 21 is overwhelming!

And yet, I’m also thinking that if I can find some time, I’d like to browse around to see if I can find a few more bloggers that I want to follow and would like to have them follow me. Holy Temsplat! (to use my latest swear word that I picked up from the treasure trove of random non-words that blogspot makes us type in to post comments). Holy temsplat, I really am addicted!

BUTLER: “Calm down. It’s no big deal. The people who make comments are bloggers themselves and they don’t expect you to write long letters answering each and every one of them. And if you skip a day without posting a blog, they won’t kick you off blogspot.”

BAGMAN: “That’s easy for you to say, Butthead! They don’t love you…all logistical and sensible. They love me! And it is a big deal! Because we love them too! We love their blogs! We love their comments! Each one is so special. Each one so different, so passionate, so interesting! Screw the yard and the todo list! The heck with sleeping or working! The hell with real life! Just read and write comments and blogs and love them to pieces…specially the women.”

BUTLER: “Personally, I like Barry’s blog because it is about exploring.”

Enough, enough. I finally get Bagman and Butler to quiet down. I take some deep breaths and try to rearrange some moderation into my day. I hope people won’t mind if I don’t answer everything. How do the ones with hundreds of followers keep up? And no matter how addictive this stuff is, I really do want Karen to come home to a reasonably looking yard, so I’ll head outside with the shovel.

But first I’ll read just one more blog that somebody just posted…