I thought it would be fun, at least, until I went into the studio and got attacked.
BAGMAN (blocking my computer so I can't get at it): "What the (bleep) are you doing here?!
Trying to figure out why the boys are angry at me, I stall for time. "Turncoat? What kind of a word is that?"
BUTLER: "A perfectly good word that dates back to 1557 when people turned their coats inside out to hide their insignias or colors that market their allegience."
"Seems dumb to me," I reply. "Didn't anyone notice people with their coats turned inside out? And why didn't they just wear a different coat?"
BAGMAN: "Don't change the subject!"
"What is the subject?"
BUTLER: "Bagman is just upset because you've been ignoring us to work on your novel..."
BAGMAN: "Which you know (bleeping) well you ain't never gonna finish!"
BUTLER: "You might have a good idea for a plot but your charactor development leaves a little be desired."
"I invented you!"
BUTLER: "My point exactly! As charactors, we're flat. You've never given us histories. You always dress me in a tuxedo and Bagman in rags. All we ever do is banter. It's a pretty flat existence just sitting here in the studio waiting for you to arrive. What do you think we do all the time you are away?"
"How should I know?" I ask.
BAGMAN: "You never cared for us anyhow! You just used us to be cute in your blog! And now you are off playing with the cute little girl who talks to dead people on the Internet. Get out of here and leave us alone!"
BUTLER: "Let's give him a break, Baggie. He'll get bored with this new project after a few weeks. He always does. Let him post his pictures."
By now, I'm not in the mood, but I load them onto the blog anyway.
Taganga, Colombia, SA
I couldn't resist leaving a little color in this one
And this one - Windsor Castle, England
Charleston Navy Base
BAGMAN: "You finished yet?"
"Sure. Fine. I'm leaving and you can go back to what you were doing."
BUTLER: "Easy for you to say. Since you created us -- (He uses his fingers to make sarcastic air quotes around the word 'created') -- we don't do much when you aren't around, now do we?"
"Okay. Then I'm creating a library for you and you can be reading and learning more esoteric words to throw at me when I come back."
BAGMAN: "That's just bleeping wonderful for Butler. What about me?"
"I'll add some magazines with pictures and centerfolds."
As I leave the studio, I almost catch a smile on Bagman's face.