Last week in an unrelated blog, one of the digressions that regular derail my train of thought made me comment on the name of one of our grocery store chains. Safeway. And how dangerous would it be to buy groceries anywhere else.
Today, my mind wandered off again - as it usually does. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if it didn't come back? I suppose I'd be sitting around watching old episodes of I Love Lucy and grumbling about how my mind has all the fun.
I started thinking about other retail store names and what the messages are that the store-namers are sending us. My apologies in advance to some of any reader in a part of the world that does not have some of these chains. Actually, consider yourselves lucky.
I also realize that many of the chains I am familiar with are primarily Southern
So - Food chains:
· Food Lion - Shop aggressively, eat carnivorously, attack our meat section.
· Whole Foods - No chicken nuggets here. Do I have to pluck my own chickens?
· Bi-Lo - Great economic concept, until I realize there is no place to Sell High and I'd have to eat my profits.
· Piggly Wiggly (a good old Southern chain) - If you're overweight and determined to stay that way, shop here. We love people in Spandex. (Digression: Once I saw a small mom and pop grocery in Georgia called "Hoggly Woggly".
· Winn-Dixie (another good old Southern chain) - We still take Confederate money.
· Stop and Shop - No subtly in this name. Just a direct order: "Park your car, come inside, and give us your money!"
· Stop and Go - A local gas station/convenience store chain. "We're like Stop and Shop but HURRY UP ABOUT IT!"
· Publix - Beats me! This chain must have been named back when being associated with the government meant savings and efficiency.
Other types of popular stores:
· Wal-Mart - If you've got walls we've got stuff to put inside them.
· Home Depot - Here's where you board the train to improving your house.
· Lowes - Home Depot with lower prices.
· Office Depot - Like Home Depot but for your office.
· Office Max - Better than Office Depot
· Staples - This either sells all the basics you need for your office or it is a highly specialized store for people who no longer use paper clips.
· Dollar Store - I've often wondered if absolutely everything they sell is only a dollar. Does this include tax?
· Dollar General - If you shop at the Dollar Store you should move up in rank.
· Barnes and Noble - A wide variety of reading material for both royalty and gentry.
· Amazon - Read on the wild side. This either refers to a lush diversity of books or is trying to make you think the staff is topless.
Then I started to think about restaurants like Chick Filet (Do chicken's really have a filet? Is it what's left after the nuggets have been removed?) and Hardees (Anorexics can go elsewhere). But then I got to Hooters and realized, like the wise old owl that I am, that I'd better not touch this one. Ask Bagman if you want anymore.
The list could go on and on, but fortunately my mind has now returned from wandering and I can turn off I Love Lucy and go back to painting the baseboards.