Friday, January 13, 2012

Photo Hometown Shootout - Arms and Legs

Even before I get to the B&B studio, I can hear Bagman in his loudest ZZ Top voice:

"She's got legs, she knows how to use them
She never begs, she knows how to choose them"

When I opened the door, I saw, with chagrin, he had already posted his first picture:

And I saw that Butler was already trying to do damage control:

BUTLER: "This is a G-rated blog, Baggie!  If you want to use this picture, why not use Photoshot to make it more artistic. Like this."

BAGMAN: "Yuck!"    For once, I had to agree with Bagman.

BUTLER: "Or this."

BAGMAN: "Double yuck!"   By this time I had blocked Butler's access to Photoshop.  And while I was doing it, Bagman posted his second picture:

Charleston's Annual "Stiletto Stomp"

BUTLER: "That's ridiculous!  And who on Earth produces high-heeled running shoes?"

I was frantically trying to regain control of my blog.  I didn't have long because I had a To-Do list to get to.  Why can't I blog, check stocks, paint the windowsill, and pick up toys simultaneously.  I just don't have enough arms.

But after pouring cold water on Bagman and glaring at Butler, I started my real post.  And since we are already on legs:


There are FAT legs

And there are SKINNY legs

There are LONG legs

And there are TINY legs

At that moment, I lost my train of thought because Karen needed me to help move some furniture.  I really really need more arms. And now I can't remember what was supposed to come next.  Oh yes:

Legs are for dancing

Legs are for running through sprinklers

But I need to stop and say that in the past, I really loved my legs and we got along well together. 

We ran together

We broke things together

Now my legs don't want to get out of bed and they've joined forces with my back to prohibit me from touching my toes.  Which makes putting on shoes a chore. 

Oops!  My blog production is stopped once again to go walk the dog.  I need more arms!

And legs...

You can't have too many legs

BUTLER: "Careful, Mark.  You've already posted a gazillion pictures and exceeded the average attention span of anyone with a mouse in their hand.  And you haven't even started on 'arms' yet."

"That's okay, Butler," I answer.  "I not only have too few arms but I have very few pictures of arms as well."

BAGMAN:  "I knew it!!  You're a leg man!"

But I did also want to pay homage to one of my favorite poets.

"Then I was deep within the woods
When, suddenly, I spied them.
I saw a pair of pale green pants
With nobody inside them!

I wasn't scared. But, yet, I stopped
What could those pants be there for?
What could a pair of pants at night
Be standing in the air for?

And then they moved? Those empty pants!
They kind of started jumping.
And then my heart, I must admit,
It kind of started thumping.

So I got out. I got out fast
As fast as I could go, sir.
I wasn't scared. But pants like that
I did not care for. No, sir."

              Dr. Seuss


BUTLER:  "Thank goodness!  It's really time to wrap this one up."

Arms are for supporting legs

Arms are for expressing protest

Arms are for expressing beauty

And, most of all --

Arms are for holding the ones we love

BUTLER:  "Are you finally done yet?" 

BAGMAN: "I still like the first one I posted.  It went downhill from there."

BUTLER:  "And don't you have a long To-Do list to get to?"

Yes, sadly it is time to leave the world of blog and head back into the world of chores.  I really wish I had more arms...

Having only nine arms is not enough


  1. Love the legs but like the arm images more. Particularly the arms holding up the legs! Also the Stiletto Stomp, just can't figure out why the girl in third position isn't winning!

  2. Great!!! I love the sprinkler picture and the one where you have 9 arms!

  3. How great is this. My first good laugh for the day. You have got to write a book man. I don't know is I like your photos or your narrative best but put them together and they are a winner.

  4. Wow, that's a lot of photos. I like the artistic twists on the bikini girls!

  5. Boy you did a LOT of photoshopping on this one. Fun!

  6. I think your last photo is so clever! Very good!

  7. You certainly have a good selection here and it's difficult just to pick one that I like best.

  8. I've got to agree, I prefer the un-photoshopped legs! ;)