Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Making a bed

So time is rushing along and I'm trying to get my work caught up at work because I'm taking annual leave next week because my daughter, Jean, is flying down from Boston to Charleston to spend the week with us...

And the sheets from the guest room are in the dryer after being washed from after Barclay slept on them two weeks ago...

And I don't know what we'll do or where we'll take her...what she likes to eat. And I'm upstairs trying to fill out an on-line college financial aid form for Brian, our son, and it's complicated as heck and I need to ask him some questions, but he's not answering his phone...

And Conner, the grandbaby is downstairs beginning to get fussy and I hear Karen desperately, or at least loudly, trying to entertain him, so I figure I'm still better off working with frustrating government online forms...

And when Jean contacted me by email a little over a year ago after a 22 year gap (She was 10 and now she's 32...long long story), I wrote back and wasn't sure how to sign the letter -- Dad? Mark? The bum who walked out on you? And she suggested that Mark was good because that was how she had been thinking of me. ..

And Saturday afternoon she's getting off a plane. People ask me if I'm excited or nervous. My logical and overly clever mind does some calculations and replies, "I'm 80% excited and 20% nervous." Although I'm probably about 50-50. And maybe I'm mostly nervous. But since I can do all this calculation, I'm probably just repressed and calculating...

And Karen makes a loud but probably printable oath and yells up that Conner has just pooped all over everything and I don't respond and begin to find even greater pleasure in these *%#&ing forms...

And Karen calls up to ask if I want to take Conner or make up the bed since the sheets are dry...

No brainer. I go down, collect the sheets and pillow cases, go upstairs and start making the bed and suddenly it sneaks up behind me and slams me in the chest. I am making a bed for my daughter to sleep in. She's going to call me, Mark. I'm going to call her, Jean -- and not Jeannie Beannie. But I'm making a bed for my daughter and the last time I did it she was ten years old and cute and bubbly and I was about to break her heart. And Saturday afternoon she is getting off a plane and we're going to hug each other and I will probably be irritated at my inability really cry because my face will get all tight and, as usual, I won't really release it...

So I'll probably make some clever comment and we will all laugh.

I spend more than the usual amount of time smoothing the sheets and making sure the pillows are straight.


  1. B & B & Mark at their best. worry and anticipation are usually worse than the reality - I will keep you in Mind on Saturday - long distance moral support.

  2. hugs are all I can offer you.
    my daughter's dad left when she was 5. she reached for him, he rejected. Until she had a daughter of her own. Now they see each other once a month. it is a relationship which is not all it could have been, but it is all it can be.
    I guess what I am saying, take it for the gift it is.

  3. Oh Mark...just be all your selves, they are perfect. I love you!


  4. You know Mark, own Dad showed up after being gone (missing) for more than 30 years.

    I was beyond excited and willing ready and able to be open to the new ...but he couldn't leap like that ...he said all the wrong things...

    It will be different for you ....

    If all else fails her what you just wrote ...because that ..made me cry.

    SO lovely.

    Yes it was.

    Take it gently and take your Higher Power with you guided.

    Remember .....if you can't say it can show it can write it ...

    So much love,


  5. I agree with Sarah Lulu...if you can't find the right words, show her what you just wrote. I've only been following your blog for a short time, but I enjoy you and your wit and so do so many....she will too. After all, we can't all be wrong about what a great guy you are. Wishing you a memorable reunion.

  6. Cry, Mark. What's sadder than fathers walking out on their own children? Crying will reconnect you to Jeannie. And to yourself.

    When my son was 13 years old I cried as I apologized for really letting him down. That day we became really close. I guess my crying let him know he really mattered to me.


    I almost cried reading this post, and it's your life!

    You've earned a good cry. I hope you cash in.

  7. You will be a rock star! She will love and adore you. But first, you will be all jittery nerves and will look at each other more out of the corners of you eyes than head on. Andthen you will giggle and not know what to do with your hands and your arms. And THEN, you will love and adore each other and it will be a wonderful visit.

  8. Long distance hugs and support coming your way...

    I hope things go well for you. :0)

    (I'm wondering where Reggie girl is too...)

  9. Hi mark

    just think :

    what an opportunity this is...

    Happy Days

  10. Just wanted you to know I lit you a candle today ...for you and your daughter. I left smiling.

    I feel proud to know you.

  11. I am wishing you all the best.

  12. Lovely post. Wish you all the best. :)))

  13. Do not over-anticipate. What will be will be.

  14. You will know what to do, Mark. Wow, I am excited and scared witless for you.Sending you a hug, and a special one for Jeannie Beannie.I think it will be great, whats not to like?xx♥

  15. Beautiful post. I agree show her what you wrote. She came looking for you and she wont be disappointed. Take it slow and follow her lead. Its scary and exciting.

  16. Oh, you silly man. Things will be just fine. Put the past behind you and go forward. As a matter of fact, don't go forward. Stay in the now, kind of zen-like. All our yesterdays are gone and we make our tomorrows today.

    You want to come and make my beds? I have some dusting you can do, too.

  17. Yes. What Sarah Lulu and Dan said. If Jeannie Beannie knows what's in that big heart of yours, she'll open and you can go from there.

  18. Your feelings are probably very similar to the ones we would all have if we were in your situation. You have the abiklity to either increase or decrease your anxiety. Your choice. ;)

  19. I'm excited for you and your daughter. I hope and pray that it is a week you'll both never forget. Cheers! to you and yours.

  20. So touching, Sirs, I hope your visit is a very successful one and that you can take the opportunity to say what you want to say to your beautiful daughter... Blessings.