Thursday, July 9, 2009

Hometown Shoot-out "Textures"

I decided to sit this one out and was napping in the other room when Bagman and Butler sat down to discuss how to illustrate Charleston through textures.

BAGMAN: "Let shoot everyone's hair. Hair is great. Look at Mark's daughter's hair. She was a real live wire with a great sense of humor. By the way, Butler, old man, got any bubble gum?

BUTLER: "Yes, she was but this is supposed to be about our hometown not about people who come to visit."

Butler started to take a pack of bubble gum from his desk drawer and then thought a minute and closed the drawer again, giving Bagman a dirty look.

BAGMAN: "What? You never chew it. You won't eat anything without a knife and a fork!"

BUTLER: "So how about this picture? It's got texture. It's the old cobblestones from the early 1800's. This is Chalmers Street where they used to sell slaves."

BAGMAN: "You should be ashamed to even show it!"

BUTLER: "Those who forget history are bound to repeat it."

BAGMAN: "Bull..."

BUTLER: Then let's do something else historical. Look at the textures on the wall of this shot I took for a documentary on the Drayton Hall Plantation. It was the only large plantation that survived the Civil War intact. It is kept up by the Preservation Society.

BAGMAN: "Boring! It's unpainted, no furniture..."

BUTLER: "No bed, you mean."

BAGMAN: "Well, yes. But it's just empty rooms. Why people come to see it is beyond me.

BUTLER: "Preservation" is different from "restoration" The society is dedicated to preserving it as it was when they purchased it."

BAGMAN: "Why the #@%&! would they do that!? Whoever built it painted the walls, at least!

BUTLER: "It's what they do."

BAGMAN: "Boring! How about giving me a stick of gum at least?"

BUTLER: "Because I know what you want to do with it! And there's a city ordinance against it! You'll get fined! I'll play no part in that! And besides, look at this wonderful detail from the Plantation."

BAGMAN: "Well, grafitti is a little interesting.

BUTLER: "Not just any grafitti. They've analyzed this and determined that it was done during the Civil War...probably by confederate soldiers staying there."

BAGMAN: "Big deal."

BUTLER: "How about this then?"

BAGMAN: "Yeah, she's kind of cute but why is that pile of sand in front of her?"

BUTLER: "It's a copy of the old market place and it's got real historical interest!"

BUTLER: "See the detail where the plaster is broken showing the bricks underneath? Lots of buildings that were built in the 1600's were done by English colonists who through bricks were were cheap-looking but it was all they had so they covered it with plaster and even put lines in it to make it appear like stone work."

BAGMAN: "I don't see any lines?"

BUTLER: "Well, maybe the guy who did the sand castle didn't...HEY!"

While he was admiring his picture, Bagman had jump over the chair, pulled open the drawer and snatched two sticks of gum, stuck them into his mouth and rushed out the door. Butler rushed out but Bagman was gone leaving only a footprint in the sand near the sand castle.

Good texture, thought Butler, but what worried him more was the lack of a shoe. My God, thought Butler, I hope he hasn't taken off all his clothes again! Skin texture is NOT what Mark had in mind, I'm sure!!! Butler ran to the local pool where he was terrified of finding Bagman skinny-dipping but all he found was water.

Well, it has texture, I have to admit, thought Butler. Then he remembered the gum and and knew that Bagman was breaking the law downtown.













But sure enough, there it was. Next to the market downtown, the telephone pole that had made the local papers several times because vandals had been sticking their gum all over it. The more the authorities pressure washed it the more people came back and stuck gum on it. After awhile the tourists got into the act! It became a sight-seeing attraction! Then the Charleston City Council passed an ordinace making it against the law!

BAGMAN: "Laws against gum?!! In a city that once sold slaves on Chalmers Street? What a farce!!!"

Bagman gave a wild look at Butler and staring straight into his eyes jammed a piece of gum on the cap of a coke bottle.

BAGMAN: "There! That's the texture story of Charleston. Mark will love it."

BUTLER: "I hope Mark sleeps through all of next week and never sees it."


  1. What was the City Council thinking when it made a tourist attraction illegal? I'm going to cancel my flight to South Carolina, and go back to Walmart to return the case of gum I bought for the trip.

  2. Or you could sell it to Bagman at quite a profit.

  3. What a wonderful post. You must be a professional to do what was done to the face of whoever is on the header, in front. I loved this.

  4. You are one very clever man, Mark.
    Fabulous everything,loved your choices, it was interesting and fun to boot! Great job.xx♥

  5. Ah the texture of life! Love the Gum Post!

  6. Well, it was nice to see that Bagman is still alive.

    I think you covered everything, even yourself.

    The gum was my favorite and your commentary had me in stitches, as usual.

  7. I about threw up in my mouth! Gewed gum makes me sick! It was all good till I got there :)
    Make it a GREAT weekend!

  8. Oh, BTW Love your textured head shot! You rock!

  9. OMG Mark - I thought you had come down with leprosy - or some such skin affliction!

    Great post! Loved the story and the pictures.Very cool!

  10. without reading the other FIFTY blog entries, I vote this one the best of the week. the first photo is really great - how did you do the head shot - puzzle? ONE of your best.

  11. Ewww, and I thought my friend who just told me she works with used hearing aids and the condition they are in when she gets them story was icky...on the gum...

    How in the world did you make that texture on your body? I love it, and have to learn...

    Like all the rest as well!

  12. Hilarius Mark! Just loved it.

    And at last we get to see what you really look like!

  13. When the blog loaded, I thought my video card had gone wonky. Funny (but kind of gross) story about the gum pole.

  14. You are turning into an alligator. Maybe think twice before you visit "Nature Island" again! Botox might help. And in the end, you gummed up all the texture! This post is way too funny. I am going back to my blog so I can find some more babies to strangle! =D

  15. B& never cease to amaze me. I love your view of the world! You're so scattered, yet precise. Great post!

  16. Great post and the sandcastle is amazing.

  17. Giggle..loooved this!! Wonderful post and the pictures were wonderful too!! I love in the south for was fun to revisit!! Thanks for the trip around town..well except the gum pole ewwwww - funny though!!! Sarah

  18. What an amazing and unique perspective!

  19. Great post. The different approaches to the topics is fascinating.

    Miss Charleston.

  20. I think the gum part was the funniest...

    Great photos, and I learned stuff too - I didn't know the English covered the bricks in plaster.

  21. Loved what you did with this theme Mark!! First the header, the story line and the gum pole (disgusting, ewwww!) ;D

  22. I loved this post. It had me smiling and I laughed out loud at the gum wall. My sons think that one is a little weird. lol Have a great weekend.

  23. Hey guys. I have a presentation for you on my 7/11/09 blog.

  24. Isn't that sand sculpture amazing ...I love cobblestone roads too.

    But your header/face did freak me out a bit!

    And I'm not sure about the chewing gum either

  25. the cobblestone road is amazing! I have seen gum covered posts before also. yours is very colorful!

  26. hehehhe, I just visited Singapore where chewing gum is banned. Actually it is not a bad idea, having been to Canada, USA, Germany and NZ, I see all the chewing gum on the footpath.

    I like you chewing gum lamp post. The different colors make it very artistic. It reminds me of a wall in New Zealand. Someone left a toy on a wall. The wall owner left it there hoping someone would claim it. Later, he cemented it on the wall. Soon, people left more and more toys. The wall is full of toys and became a tourist attraction.

  27. eeww on the gum pole, but i liked all the rest of it.

  28. Beautiful, but I am scared at the Health and Safety implications of a gum-pole tourist spectacle!