Saturday, January 2, 2010

Bagman and Butler celebrate an anniversary!

Bagman, who has been grumpy lately and whining about sore knees, is sitting the downstairs office with his feet up on the desk. The lights are off and the only light seeps in from the street through the Venetian blinds. Bagman is almost about to doze off when Butler throws open the door, snaps on the light and yells, “Happy Anniversary, Baggie, old friend!”

“What the...huh…what?!” Bagman startles and sees large cake that Butler is putting down in front of him.

Butler smiles. Actually, it isn’t really a smile but just a microscopic upturn of the sides of his mouth. But this is a true grin for the properly reserved Butler. Bagman notices it and starts to comment when the top of the cake falls off and a six-inch-tall virtual strip tease dancer leaps out and begins gyrating on the table.

Bagman whoops with an open-mouthed smirk, a drop of spittle sliding down his shaggy beard. He watches for a few minutes. (Actually he watches for three or four days but in order to move this blog along, I’ll use poetic license and shorten the time frame). Then he jumps up and claps Butler hard on the back and gives him a bear hug. “What did I do to deserve this?!”

Butler, smoothing the wrinkles in his jacket, says, “Don’t you remember? It was one year ago today that we started this blog together. You were trying to run outside to shock passers-by and I chased you down to stop you from exposing yourself.”

“And you failed, didn’t you?”

“No, I seem to remember that I talked some sense into you.”

“Bah! Never happened that way! I still get postcards from the blond on the bicycle.”

“I don’t think so,” says Butler calmly. “I think we had a long discussion on morality and ethics.”

“In your dreams! I’ve never had a long discussion about anything! In fact, I’m already bored with this one.”

“Anyhow,” continues Butler, unperturbed as always, “It’s been a good year. Of course Mark horned in on our blog and talked about family and such and posted photographs of babies and dogs…”

“Yea. Women love babies and dogs,” interrupts Bagman.

“But we made a lot of good friends and wrote over 230 blogs! And a new year is starting and I just thought I’d bring you the cake in honor of our ongoing friendship.”

But by now, Bagman has zoned out and is holding a pencil that the diminutive and now naked adult entertainer is using for pole-dancing.

Butler shrugs and turns to walk out of the room, muttering, “I’m not surprised that you didn’t remember our blogging anniversary.”

Bagman jumps up, letting go of the pencil which sends the miniscule tart sprawling backwards over a tape dispenser and landing in a pose that is simultaneously absurd and highly suggestive. Meanwhile, Bagman is calling Butler back and yelling, “I didn’t forget! Of course I didn’t forget!”

Butler turns back and Bagman is holding out a neatly wrapped package for him. Actually it is not neatly wrapped. In fact, it is thrown together with pages from the comics section and gobs of Scotch tape. “In honor of our first year of blogging,” Bagman announces.

Butler takes the package and opens it carefully, folding the paper and making sure no bits of tape fall on the floor. He looks at the two books in his hand, the latest editions of Strunk and White’s Elements of Style and Emily Post’s Etiquette. “What a perfect gift!” exclaims Butler.

“Ouch!” screams Bagman, grabbing his posterior where the elfin sex worker has just lanced him with the pencil.


  1. Happy Blogoversary!

    Woo hoo.....


  2. elfin sex worker? Gotta love that!

  3. Haha, funny and imaginative post! Happy anniversary to Butler and Bagman! I can't wait to hear more from these dudes! :)

  4. Hey, Happy Anniversary to you all!

  5. Happy anniversary B&B and to Mark who horned in. Of course Mark would never write anything like you guys do. Naughty, naughty boys, as my Gramma would say.

  6. Happy Anniversary to blogdom's most interesting triumvirate! Lets hope for many more years to come!

    And I hope Bagman recovers quickly from his little injury.

  7. Happy all 3 of you! Looking forward to many more of your insightful and amusing posts.

  8. Happy Blogaversary boys!! We must have started at the same time..mine is tomorrow!! Enjoy your cake and treats!! So very glad to have met you through the shootouts here!! I do so love your blog!! Sarah

  9. I started to follow you in March of 2009 - have enjoyed every post.... even the baby ones. Thank goodness the dancer was elfin....
    I think my favorite though was the army analogy where you used photos of play dinosaurs… been caught up as a fan ever since.

  10. Happy Anniversary to my boys. I had no idea our anniversarys were so close.

    You are just too cute in that hat.

  11. I know...I spelled it wrong. It is anniversaries.

  12. Happy Blogoversary, B&B...! You guys are a hoot.

    My little Phinnaeus had two imaginary friends when he was about three years old and their names were "Bum" and "Bacon", and they used to fight with each other. We always had to go into their bedroom and break it up. They would fight over the silliest things, like who had the most bedclothes. Phinnaeus used to get quite frustrated with them. Eventually Bum and Bacon disappeared. So I laughed when I found your blog, because I knew where Bum and Bacon had gone. They morphed into Bagman and Butler, and they're still up to their old antics. :-)

    Happy New Year!


  13. Happy blogiversary to Bagman and Butler (and your Creator -- man you have power)!

    Cheers to many more great years posting.

    And of course, happy new year.