Wednesday, August 19, 2009

4 Shakespearean Limmericks

A few days ago somebody -- I should go back and find it so I can give proper credit -- was talking about her love for words. It reminded me of a mediocre poem I once wrote about army of words...that flew off in outlandish metaphors about words that were like generals and words that were like scouts and cavalry and etc. etc. Interesting possibilities but because it never became a really decent poem, I had to look back in my old draft files to see if I could find it. So far, I haven't found it. But I did find some really rediculous limericks that were so tacky I couldn't resist blogging them below. The lost limericks of William Shakespeare:

There once was a fairy named Puck
whose language ran always amuck.
When he opened his mouth
the word hurled itself south
and people around him screamed “Duck!”

Othello was tragic and poor
played the blues in a shack by the moor,
he wooed Desdemona
but drowned in her sauna
pursuing her subsurface lure.

There once was a teen from Veron’
who was tired of being alone.
But a Juliet flash
through her window sash
gave him one heckova bone.

There once was a merchant of Venice
who was making perpetual penance,
not just for the crime
of approximate rhyme,
but for constantly touching his penis.


  1. OK, Bagman. Where did you tie up Mark?

    There once was a man named Bagman
    Who had the mind of a madman.
    But still he was charming,
    Though sometimes alarming,
    Beware the farmer's daughter
    that's farming.

    Dorothea just took off to the back forty. There's a lot of hay there.

  2. That's an, ummm, interesting take on some of Shakespeare's classics....

  3. Snort!


    Bagman had fun with that didn't he.


  4. A laugh a minute. You boys just slay me.

  5. B& guys are too funny, brilliant and funny!

  6. Is this how Hemingway started? Funny!

  7. HAHAHA! I can't top Patty's response. That's too funny.

  8. hahaahhahah.
    good ones.
    all of them were so funny
    i had to sit holding my tummy

  9. Bagman loves Patty's poem. And I suspect Hemingway probably did start this way but had enough sense to throw his away.

  10. I studied Shakespeare in college...don't really remember these.

  11. I studied Shakespeare in college and don't remember them either. Come to think of it, I don't remember studying Shakespeare. Come to think even harder about it, I don't remember college although I do remember some of the nearby pubs.

  12. Always wished I could wax poetic. Or even wax other places. If I could, it would be limericks.

    Thee once was a geezer named Mark
    who did nasty things in the park.
    He had to stop 'cause
    he got pulled in by the fuzz.
    Said it was just done on a lark.


  13. شركة كيان لنقل العفش بالرياض والمدينة المنورة وجدة ومكة والطائف والدمام تقديم لكم دليل كامل لشركات نقل العفش بالمملكة العربية السعودية
    نقل عفش شركة كيان
    دليل شركات نقل العفش
    شركة نقل عفش بالمدينة المنورة