Tuesday, August 4, 2009

4 Unrelated Things

Unrelated thing #1

I really have been out of touch with Blogspot. And I miss all you guys. Usually I complain about being busy and needing a break and then Bagman makes a comment and then I come back anyhow…but it seems like ages since I’ve read my favorites or posted…No comment, Bagman!!

BAGMAN: “Okay, no comment then…(whispered) you idiot.”

I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Anyhow, I don’t know if I’ll catch up anytime soon so I hope you all are well.

Unrelated thing #2

We are keeping the dogs. Roxie has a new choke collar and behaves better. She is housebroken. We are all happy. Sort of.

Unrelated thing #3

Below is my belated food shoot out for last Friday…I found this old black and white shot I did years and years ago. A bit grotesque.

Unrelated thing #4 -- HACKER ATTACK

So this morning a friend of mine calls to say he is sorry that he couldn’t open the “Hey! Look at this” attachment I emailed him because his computer’s virus protection blocked it. I told him I didn’t remember sending him anything. But my memory hiccups a lot so I figure I may have sent something during a dog-induced sleep-deprived hallucination.

I get to my office, turn on my work email and, lo and behold, I have a message sent last night from my own home email saying, “Hey! Look at this!” Now I’m concerned because I know I didn’t even turn the computer on last night. There’s an attachment from something called Rapidshare. I start to delete it and then notice that it was sent to me and 83 other people. Unfortunately, I recognize most of them and realize … Holy Crap! I sent it from my home email address to EVERYBODY ON MY PERSONAL EMAIL CONTACT LIST!!!

Except, I didn’t send it! Somehow, someway, some hacker or “bot” accessed my email and used it to distribute this Rapidshare thing to everyone I knew. My heart sinks to think that I’ve probably destroyed the computers of all my friends. Or ex-friends as they probably now are.

I immediately go to my home email and send a message to everyone saying that it wasn’t me…don’t open the Rapidshare attachment, whatever it is. Whatever it is, it can’t be good!

Then I look at my inbox and start reading messages. Most of them are similar. “Hey, Mark, great to hear from you after all these months (years). Sorry I couldn’t open the attachment but my virus software blocked it.”

The embarrassing thing is the “great to hear from you” part. These are folks who I’ve been ignoring. People I like. But not enough, clearly, to stay in touch with. Now they are happy to hear from me but I have to tell them that they didn’t really hear from me. What do I say?

“Hey! Good to hear from you, too. Glad you were glad to hear from me but you didn’t really hear from me. Sorry I’ve been ignoring you but, frankly, if it weren’t for some deviant hacker, I’d still be ignoring you.”

Or, I could lie and say, “Yes! I was just thinking about you fondly and wanted to get back in touch and thought you might like receiving a virus from me.”

And how about the people who didn’t email me…probably those people who were actually able to open the attachment that I didn’t really send and who are now out shopping for new computers and wanting to kill me.

Then I started going over my home email “contacts” list. 83 people. I haven’t cleaned my list in years. Just added people. Who are these 83 people?

9 of them, I knew and regularly correspond with.
19 of them, I knew and still like and might correspond with but usually don’t.
8 of them were commercial email addresses – poetry magazines I had submitted to or some professors at an agricultural extension department of a university I had written to identify a weird insect I had photographed. Stuff like that.
32 of them, I had no idea who they were at all.
13 of them…well…13 of them were…well…people who probably never really wanted to hear from me again for one reason or another anyhow. Nothing really bad. Just people I’d be kind of embarrassed to run into on the street. People who would probably not say “Hey, Great to hear from you,” but rather, “Why the $%@#& are you writing me?!”

“Oh, no reason. Just thought I’d send you a virus. Have a nice day.”

So the good thing is my contact list is now down to 28.

And if I’ve destroyed any of your computers, I’m really really sorry.

ARRRHG! I think I’ll go play with the dogs.


  1. Power? Food? We forgive you.

    I must not be one of your favorite people because I did not get the spam mail - just the email that said you had spammed me. In the meantime, blogger sent me an email saying my blog was spam. Now, I have to jump through hoops to prove I am not spam.

    Oh well, maybe if they deleted my entire blog I would be free again. All things happen for a reason.

  2. I like your food picture - but I'm sick in the hear that way!

  3. It took me forever to figure out what was in that black and white picture. Finally, I think a chicken, but I don't recognize the other thing.

  4. I got the email that said...DON"T open.... so I deleted it immediately but i didn't get the original one. so does this mean I am one of the 19 or the 32 I know i am not commercial and I do want to hear from you again.

    I love blogger sending Patty an email saying she is spam.... overkill...

  5. Hey B&B (a.k.a. Mark) so glad to hear from you... NOOOOOO.... blink, blink


    Sorry I've been out of touch. ;D


  6. Those folks who do not have virus protection in this day and age deserve to be spammed. You can email me anytime...why am I not on your list?

  7. The chicken is disturbing haha...

    I'd like a list of my own please ..you know I'm about as unique as you are!

  8. my computer was attacked a few days ago. I hope there isn't something being passed around from being on blogspot. but you at least got your emailed cleaned out. your food shot is cute!!

  9. You got me to look at my email list. Pretty much the same. Need to clean it out.

    Got a really bad virus hit just a few days ago. Even though I have a good anti-virus program. Is the world coming to an end?

    Glad you are keeping the pup.

  10. The food post was hilarious. You have a sick sense of humor, but I like it. Glad to hear you're keeping the dogs. sorry you got a virus. Have a wonderful day.

  11. What a hoot the food post is! I learned some time ago that you have the same quirky sense of humor that I do, so it was much appreciated. Sorry about the virus, but thanks for the warning -- I got it in time. Hang in there!!

  12. Sorry to hear you were hacked, but only you could make it a good read!

    I am super duper glad to hear you are keeping the dogs. :)

  13. love your candor!

  14. sounds like you've got a lot going on! And can't wait to hear more about the dogs.

  15. Sorry for your woe's! You are a funny man and I enjoyed reading pf your pain :)

  16. I am glad the dogs and the people at your house are settling into more mutually compatible terms. BRAVO!!!!!! That has to be very stress relieving! Now that your life is in control again, the dog's been choked, the chicken's been decapitated and your computer's been hacked, a hacking you decided to share with all of us (thanks!), do you have any more happy news? Your blogs are sadly missed in the woodlands. lol

  17. Hey! I remember you! You were in my kindergarten class! Good to see you again. Remember when we put a whoopee cushi.....
    Oh, I must have you confused with....
    Oh, I can't remember. Never mind.

  18. Oh Mark I love visiting your blog.
    You are a genius that surpasses excellence when it comes to make me laugh out loud.

    Your photo is truly grotesque and the hacker story was woeful but at least it got you to clean up your address book.

    Peggy :-D

  19. “Oh, no reason. Just thought I’d send you a virus. Have a nice day.”

    Geez Mark, I laughed so hard at that line I hurt.

    Great you winnowed your address book down though. Now only your best friends will get viruses. lol

  20. I know you do not get over to my site often, but you are quite hysterical! Love that chicken little pic...