Saturday, May 7, 2011

Attack of the Subterannean Orange Snake Gang

I noted in my Friday Shootout that Bagman and Butler were on vacation.  I was wrong.  I found out today that they have been hiding in the Secret Basement Bunker reserved for catastrophic blogspot faux pas.  By the way, is the plural of faux pas "faux passes" or is faux pas the plural which would make the singular "faux pa" which sounds like it should mean "false father?" 

While digressing, the haggard, hungry Butler and Bagman drag in with frightened eyes.

BUTLER: "Is the attack over?"

BAGMAN:  "At least Mark survived!  We tried to warn you but it was too late!"

BUTLER:  "Our first clues at what was coming were the alien markings we saw a week ago."

I consider suggesting that they might have warned me then, but since I was totally confused anyway, I held my tongue.  (Holding my tongue slowed my writing since I had to type with the other hand.)

BAGMAN:  "Look at these alien messages that appeared on the front lawn!"

BAGMAN: "And this one pointed straight at our house!!"

At this point I'm growing concerned.  I've been worried that we might come under attach from Nan U's killer rhubarb.  But I continue holding my tongue -- switching hands from time to time to prevent fatigue.

BAGMAN:  "We were hiding and peeking out the front door..."

BAGMAN: "And Butler's keen eyes spotted them first."

BUTLER:  "They had heavy armor!

BAGMAN: "Within minutes they were attacking the yard across the street!"

BUTLER: "Then they were in our yard!"

BAGMAN: "But we weren't giving up without a fight so I convinced Butler that we should go and scout it out!

BUTLER: "This is what they did to our yard next to the driveway!"

At this point, I am impressed and convinced that they must be aliens.  I've dug many holes in our front yard and give up after I hit clay three inches down.  This hole was chest deep!  No human could do that!  I'm also wondering what the pieces of wood are?   Has our neighborhood been built on top of some prehistoric city?

BAGMAN:  "We crawled through bushes down the street to document what the attackers were doing...


Everybody say:  "Ooooooooooo!"

BUTLER:  "We tried to get a better look at where they were coming from...

BAGMAN: "But they spotted us!"

BUTLER: "That's when we took off and hid in the bunker.  Are they gone yet:?"

I look out the window and cannot see a thing out of place.  The holes have all be covered and the sod replaced and there is no evidence that they were ever here.  Or maybe Bagman and Butler were dreaming.  "You sure about this?"

BAGMAN:  "Yes!  And now the attackers have left orange pipes underground everywhere!  They are probably spying on us and listening to what we are saying at this very moment!

"Surely they must have more interesting things to do," I suggest.  "Or maybe it has something to do with the telemarketer who called me last month and tried to get me to change my satellite television service to Knology Cable?"

I realize that I am no longer holding my tongue and both hands are free. 


  1. I bet you made those workmen nervous with your camera! Poor B & B! Very funny though.

  2. They made me a bit nervous ripping up huge holes in my lawn -- all the lawns in the neighborhood. But these guys were good at cleaning up afterwards.

  3. I'm embarrassed to admit that I just looked up "what is the plural of faux pas" and this was the answer:

    Stays the same. When a noun ends in s, it doesn't change in the plural -- in writing nor in pronunciation. As for the adjective faux, masculine adjectives ending in -aux stay the same in the plural. If it was feminine however, fausse would become fausses.

    I thought you'd like it. :)

  4. Those guys better not come over here. They will be frightened off by gunfire. It's killing/shooting/hunting season and my neighbour would have them running for their lives.

    Thanks for an entertaining post.

  5. I don't think I will ever look at a roadside building site in the same way again :-D

  6. Just so you know (before anyone else): the beast has sprouted a second antenna. And it doesn't even have men in stylish vests coming around to help it out. That I know of.
    You be careful around those orange earth-guts.

  7. Oh, they've been here often lately. I never see anyone tho.

  8. No wonder they were hiding. Looks like our town a little while back. All that is going on around here now are folks in little canoes getting from their roadway to their homes, having to leave their cars on the side of the road. All of us travelers have to drive very safely.