Friday, May 15, 2009

Hometown Photo Shoot-Out – Alternate Transportation

FU-MANCHU wanats to go on record that he is boycotting this week’s shoot-out. He takes the emphasis on “alternate transportation” very personally and believe strongly that if you can’t go from 0-60 in 5 seconds, you should stay home!



Now that my testosterone-addicted car has had his say, my first response to how someone might get around my fair city of Charleston, SC (pronounced: “Chaalstin, Ass See”) is the old fashioned way – by foot. The first rule of walking is…well, actually the first rule of walking is to come down from trees and evolve into standing erect. But the second rule of walking is “Have good shoes.”


Here is a picture of my shoes. And yes, for the visually astute among you, I do also own sneakers. I was wearing them when I took this picture.

Above is a picture of my wife’s shoes.

Here is picture of more of my wife’s shoes.

And some more...

In Charleston, women usually have more shoes than men do because men wear their shoes out. I’ve studied this and the shoes of Charleston women last a lifetime because the feet of Charleston women never actually touch the ground when they walk. This is a corollary of the related fact that Southern women never sweat and are always surrounded by the sweet faint scent of honeysuckle.

When walking, Charleston men sometimes need the additional footpower of dogs (pronounced: “dawgs.”)

For pre-walkers, there is the alternative “Perambulator” (pronounced: “babuh carrrj”)

One of the newest walking enhancements is the cell phone. As you can see in the above picture, these two men are now able to actually talk to each other while out for their morning constitutional.


Because Charleston is a seaport at the end of two rivers, most people have boats. I even had a boat myself for a very short period of time during which I managed to (a) run it aground twice and (b) partially sink it by forgetting to put the bilge drain plug back in before launching her. I thoroughly understand the saying, down here, that “The two happiest days in a man’s life are when he buys his first boat and when he sells it.”

Consequently it becomes important to have a neighbor who has a boat.

It is also important to know how to swim if you fall out of your neighbors boat.


My neighbor may have a boat, but I have riding lawnmower.

Nyah nyah nyah. I guess it qualifies as a kind of alternative means of transportation, at least around my lawn anyhow. It is not really green. Well, in terms of color it actually IS green, but in terms of environmental friendliness it’s not green. I feel guilty using so much gas to mow my small lawn…but not guilty enough to stop doing it.


Charleston is a historic tourist town with Southern charm (pronounced: “Suth’n chaam”). Near the old market, you can take carriage rides although these are sometimes picketed by PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). After downloading this picture, I notice that it also shows a bicycle. I'll get to bicycles in a minute. But first a bit more on horses and tourists (prounced: "Hoss's ass's" by the locals. Charlestonians revere their history and re-enact it regularly.

Although these reenacters prefer horses, they do have cars and although I missed the picture, one of their cars had a bumper sticker that read: "Civil War Reenactments - Fighting Terrorism since 1863"

Some folks ride livestock that doesn't go anywhere.

And still don't make it to their destination.



I had originally planned to focus most of my Shoot-out pictures on the bicycle because Karen and I really enjoy the fresh air and exercise of riding. I was even thinking of trying to ride and shoot a video at the same time as I follow Karen around our subdivision. Bagman claimed that I was just trying to prove that I am also capable of appreciating rear ends that I am married to.
In any case, time (and laziness (pronounced: “Sloth”)) got the better of me and the only picture I could get of our bicycles was inside the garage. Please ignore the cobwebs on them. I couldn’t get them out anyhow because you can see by the angry red in the lower right hand corner that Fu Manchu has strategically blocked them in to express his continued displeasure at this blog about alternative transportation. How many excuses can I create to avoid exercise?

------------------------------------------------- So, fly down and see us!

Coming in from Atlanta

If you click to blow this up and look very very carefully, you still won't be able to see Brian, Melody, and Conner waving from the windows as they returned this week from visiting her mom in Montana.

Flying out to the Middle East

Finally, we also have an Air Force transport base here that supplies our troops in Afganistan and Iraq. I should note that, while they often fly very low, they do not routinely fly through local fountains; Photoshop just got the better of me one afternoon.


( )
Imaginary Picture of Trains and Buses

And lastly (which is different from “finally” and pronounced: “Laahstly”) we have trains and a bus system (which is primarily a tax burden and used by almost no-one) – but time ran out before I got pictures. So coming, full circle, instead, I’ll close with a really sexy photo that Bagman took of his naked foot.

BAGMAN says: "Who needs shoes?"


  1. Good post, about lunch...I will meet you at the airport okay :) I will be the one snoozing in the corner with a sign around my neck saying "Where's lunch, make me laugh...I DARE YOU"

    Good to have that sorted


  2. I thoroughly enjoyed your transportation post! Wishing you two a wonderful weekend.

  3. Great photos, B&B! You have an eye for the simple pleasures, I like that!
    Make it a good Friday!

  4. I loved the reenactors. What a great shot. Not as good as your foot, but darned close!

    Great fun, as usual, Mark!

  5. I should have taken a foot photo too, since I had a pedicure today ....I have so many shoes I could not possibly own up to them.

  6. You're funny! I like the last photo :-) aside from the boats' photo with the reflections

  7. I loved the boats and the reflections on the water. Just beautiful.

  8. You really went overboard this week. Excellent little piece you have here. I think each of you deserves special recognition.

    Bagman: I really wanted to see you riding that bull.

    Mark: I think you should have sat on the handlebars of the first bike.

    Butler: Did you see me in the crowd yelling at the carriage people?

    All: You are under arrest for posting secret military photos. Please turn yourselves in.

    Dorothea says: I like your lawnmower.

    Patty says: When you are finished taking Michelle to lunch, I expect dinner. I will be the one with the sign that reads, "Photographer wants walking tour." I'll bring my own shoes.

  9. what a fantastic and entertaining post! great traveling around your town.

    do you get pedicures?

  10. I loved the boats and the reflections on the water. Just beautiful.

  11. Excellent!
    especially the tips on speaking Suth'n!

  12. Somebody really enjoys wearing flip flops! I have to agree, I have a million of my own. And yes, knowing how to swim is a plus, esp. if you fall out of a boat.

  13. Riding the bull and slinging it too! Yay Bagman!

  14. Do not know why I can no longer leave a comment on your blog?! This is my latest attempt. You are missing so much wisdom from me.

  15. Oh, so I have to comment under IE and not Firefox. Geeesh!

  16. I loved the man on the bull- great action shot! And I also loved the swimmer- one I would have never thought of! Fantastic pics!

  17. I really liked the pictures, especially the one of the old crazy guy trying to ride the statue.

  18. Loved all the photos - every one. You always have me laughing so hard with your commentary.

  19. OK, so am I the only one who actually noticed that there are 4 shoes hanging in your group that are not matched with any others? What's the story there? Liked it all, especially your ability to show and tell a full story!

  20. I am trying to catch up on my reading of friday blogs, been really busy (over) eating and drinking.... it can't be helped. I just hope my cloths still fit when I get to Houston on Monday. sorry sidetracked.... I like the foot picture the most. can't help it.... looks good.

  21. Okay......where to start?? The sailboats on the water are fantastic. Sooo much talent in that shot. (I think Bagman took that one maybe)
    Then....who don't love a dawg??? I especially love the fact that you snapped their butts for us to all see. (I think YOU took that one, lol).
    I totally want to ride the mechanical bull thingy. I tried that in a bar in Dallas one time after being overserved Jose Cuervo (now that was in another life for sure.....I was MUCH more reserved then).
    And by the way, you should let Karen ride on your back not vice versa!! Khalil Gibran would do it for her (smile)........
    You have awesome talents in both writing and shooting Mark.
    Now that we're all in a gang together I think maybe we should all listen to Gangsta's Paradise whilste we're shooting up the town. Or maybe Bad To The Bone???? It would be inspirational.....

    Steady On
    Reggie Girl

  22. Nice little tour of Chawlstuhn. If you were in Austin, you'd have had to bring your UMbrella cuz it rained a whole lot here. No bike riding today, shugums, not without your slicka or galawshes anyway. And dahlin', can you say pedi?

  23. I will one up bagman on my next post (or something like that) and send out a lovely picture of my foot!! :D

    I liked your take on this weeks theme, I have an imaginary bus picture as well. (I believe I mentioned my aversion to taking an actual bus picture on my blog).

  24. That is a very sexy foot - I'd better stop now, as more thoughts are pouring in, and I might get banned from your blog, Sirs!

    Loved the bikes, and the sculpture, and all the methods of transportation that got us where we are today... Experiencing a hot flash in my case :)

  25. Two words to descripbe your wife's shoe collection: awe and envy.

  26. Loved the pictures and the narrations and of course the lessons in how folks in Charleston talk.

    Are you serious? Men shoes wear out faster or is it just that your wife has more shoes than you?

  27. Gawsh, B&B, that was just plain funny. I live with a FuManChoo dude, he's crazy about transportation that takes gas and drives real fast...not ashamed in the least!