Thursday, April 9, 2009

Dear Me! A note from the future!

Dear Me, or Dear You, or Dear Mark -- pronouns are going to be confusing writing myself!

I’m not sure how to address this to myself, to you back in 2009. No, I am definitely NOT dead! But remember that back around that time – Spring, 2009 – you were fantasizing about the capacities of the scheduling function on Blogspot. You were going on vacation and wanted to pre-schedule some blogs to post themselves in the future.

Well this blog is going to surprise you more than anyone who is following you, because you aren’t expecting it. This blog is from your future! Who else but the programmers at Google finally figured out how to post blogs in the past! Time travel at last! At least for information, they still haven’t managed to move bodies back in time so don’t worry – you’re not going to find an older you hiding in your closet.

I also can’t tell you (me) the exact date in the future that I (you) am writing this. There are many rules about posting things backwards. In fact, I have been on the waiting list at Google to do it for over a year and the time reversal information censors (TRICs) will probably delete several things. Time-reversal blogs cannot contain sufficient detail that people could act upon because those actions might change the future…heck, science fiction writers have known that for years!

So I can’t tell you who the next President will be, what stock to buy, or who will win the Kentucky Derby but I can share some general things. For instance, the very fact that you are getting this from yourself, means you will be alive for awhile…so do something fun!

By the way, we are still driving Fu! Hard to believe that little red sports car is still turning eyes but it is! Of course, we have had to overhaul the engine completely due to depletion of the world’s oil reserves. But the engineers at Google (who else!?) solved two problems at once (fossil fuels and lung cancer) when they developed high performance engines that run on tobacco. Fu still does 0-60 in 5 seconds but now gets incredible mileage – over 40 miles per carton.

Good news in the future for Bagman. Hang in there, because we now have a wonderful new artificial prostate transplant! Whoo hoo! But we are still white-haired and mostly bald. And we are still gaining and losing those same old 40 pounds. No news there.

And make sure you keep flirting with (name deleted by TRIC) because she is going to be an important part of your life later on. I can’t give you the details because the TRIC’s would delete it, except to say that we don’t do anything immoral or unethical, but it is passionate, exciting, and benefits world peace. And Bagman will be overjoyed to know that (name deleted by TRIC) is way hotter than the pictures on her profile. Since I can’t tell you who she is, you really need to let Bagman keep flirting with everybody.

In fact, you (we) are going to get to meet, in real life, many of the bloggers you are now following. Whoo hoo! By the way, we now have 1,568,588 people following our blog. Don’t panic! Google geniuses have figured out a way to pause time while you are reading comments so I can take all the time I need to read and respond to comments.

Well, I have to go now. I have tried to schedule this around the time you were blogging heavily because I can’t drive or operate heavy machinery until you open it. One of the side effect warnings of time reversal blogging is that when the me of the past reads what the current me writes, I have to be prepared for temporary dizziness. I guess it is suppose to be disorienting. When you read this in the past, the memory of your shock will suddenly appear in my current mind. A kind of disconnect.

This will also, unfortunately, be the last time I can write you (me). Not only are the pronouns confusing when I (we) write backwards to you (we) but the rules only allow one time reversal blog per person. But the sweet, beautiful, sexy (name deleted by TRIC) is sitting beside me right now and laughing. She is also on the waiting list to write herself but doesn’t know when it will post.

We’d send pictures, but photographs are expressly forbidden in time reversal blogs except for a few top secret government agencies. So bye for now! Have fun! As they said, back in your day, “Dance like no-one is watching!”


  1. Ok, is my frog their with you?

  2. Dorothea would say something clever but she's already left. And I thought they were taking a plane. Silly me! I hope she brings me back a gift from Cuba.

  3. Brilliant idea, well executed. Fine post.

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. Hum, I now know the limits to my intellectual ability to read something written in the future... I had to re-read several times and I think that I still missed it. and you did this before leaving on vacation or while on vacation? maybe you got too much sleep! hope your trip is going well - or is it went well?

  6. I have been dancing but I don't know if anybody is watching in the past or the future.

  7. Oh deleted by TRIC will be an important part of Bagman's future!! Wait, are you saying she/he's not an important part of the present? That might make she/he cry or something Mark.
    Stop calling Fu YOUR car.
    Seriously dude......I loved this post :)
    I dance like no one is watching all of the time (mainly because their not) and sing like so one is listening. Isn't it the best life?? To just we are alive?
    Some girl left Bagman a song on her blog.....I'm just sayin......
    Hope you're having a GREAT vacation Mark and....

    Steady On
    Reggie Girl

  8. I meant "there" no more blogging without coffee.

  9. You can be such a hoot! and start my day off with a big giggle and I'm another one that dances like no one else is watching and certainly don't sing, otherwise my son would move me into a senior crazy house. I'm a firm believer that we should live/love each day as though it were our last -- don't always suceed, you understand, but I'm still trying.

  10. Do I thank you now or later, when I read your posts?

  11. So.... is Butler (or Bagman, I'm not picky) tied up yet...?

  12. I have responded to all of your comments but they will either be posted sometime in 2011 or they were posted back in 1953 where there were no computers and people are wondering what the digital static buzz is on their radios.

  13. You're always so much fun, Mr. Mark! Do you know what I'm gonna be in the future? Am I going to meet the Pussycat Dolls? Will I be a Pussycat Doll or just an assistant to their assistants? Damn it!

    If Google figured out a way to pause time while returning and replying to comments, I will worship them right now!